They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly ,if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room,spiritual counseling, pool, and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.’s and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard ,with gardens. Each senior could have a P.C. a T.V. radio, and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors , to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

The “criminals” would get cold food,be left all alone, and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room, and pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out. Justice for all.

It is the VETERAN, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer, who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN, not the politician, Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN who salutes the Flag,

It is the VETERAN who serves under the Flag,

‘When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?’

The audience was stilled by the query..

The father continued. ‘I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.’

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ‘Do you think they’ll let me play?’ I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, ‘We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning..’

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the

plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact…

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘Shay, run to first!

Run to first!’

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, ‘Run to second, run to second!’

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, ‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay’

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, ‘Run to third!

Shay, run to third!’

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, ‘Shay, run home! Run home!’

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

‘That day’, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, ‘the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world’.

Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Accordingly, I’m readily willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I’ll, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials-after the fact”

Robert E. Lee, 1863

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, “Case dismissed!”

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, “Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.”

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant.”

The lawyer said, “Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.”

The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.” You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

BBC NEWS | Science & Environment | What happened to global warming?.

• Detroit, MI (1st on the poverty rate list) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1961
• Buffalo, NY (2nd) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1954
• Cincinnati , OH (3rd) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1984
• Cleveland , OH (4th) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1989
• Miami , FL (5th) has never had a Republican mayor
• St. Louis , MO (6th) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1949
• El Paso , TX (7th) has never had a Republican mayor
• Milwaukee , WI (8th) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1908
• Philadelphia , PA (9th) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1952
• Newark , NJ (10th) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1907

RealClearPolitics – Obama’s Rhetoric vs. Common Sense.

Driving Information:

• To find anything in Burminham, it is required that you know where Malfunction Junction is, which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. It may be one of only two ‘cloverleaf formation’ interchanges in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again – Atlanta — making them only a wee bit dumber than we are.
• The morning rush hour is from 6:00to 10:00 . The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 . Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning. If the term ‘merging delays’ is ever used by the person reporting the traffic, even in passing, call in to work and tell them that you will be at least 30 minutes late regardless of where you are in your commute.
• If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least) rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and female drivers alike.
• You must know that ‘I-459,’ ‘I-59,’ ‘I-20,’ and ‘I-65′ are the same road. They just loop around, cutting in and out of each other’s path. We think this was a ploy utilized to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors after the War of Northern Aggression.
• Always, always, always, find out if it is a race or football weekend before you get on any of these highways to travel somewhere. If it is a race or football weekend, stay home. You won’t be pleasantly going anywhere else.
• Construction is a permanent fixture in Alabama . The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a little more interesting.
• If someone has their turn signal on, wave them over to the shoulder immediately to let them know — you can be sure it was ‘accidentally activated’.
• The minimum acceptable speed on ‘I-65′ (see above) is > 85 mph – anything less is considered downright sissy.
• This is also Alabama ‘s state-highway-sponsored version of NASCAR — especially during rush hour (see above) and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper-to-bumper. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be ‘flipped a bird’ accordingly.
• Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is applying make-up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic .. If she is coming from north of ‘Burminham, she might be packing. If she is coming from south of ‘Burminham’, she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.

Weather Information:

• If it’s 110 degrees, Thanksgiving could be next weekend. If it’s 10-20 degrees and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Burminham residents consider this ‘demolition derby’ day and will be all over the roads (front ways, sideways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could be the next target.

Seasonal Information:

• If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.
• If you need to let the car ‘get some air’ while standing next to it with the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer.
• If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is Fall.
• If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.

General Information:

• Do not ever speak during the song ‘ Sweet Home Alabama ‘ unless it is to sing along with the lyrics. This is a form of heresy and will erupt in a brawl if everyone doesn’t show ‘proper respect’ to the band who gave us Free Bird. This is especially true if alcohol is present (notice I didn’t say’ sold at this event,’ but ‘present’).
• Yes, we know that Vulcan is mooning the entire city of Burminham. It’s not that funny to us anymore, and by now we’re used to it.
• If you ask someone for a ‘coke,’ they will often ask you, ‘What kind?’ This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Root Beer, etc., it is all ‘coke’.
• All tea is sweet. If it’s not sweet, you are in a Chinese restaurant or have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line .
• Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
• There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 of them live in Alabama ..
• There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama , plus a couple no one’s seen before.
• If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
• Onced and Twiced are words.
• It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
• People actually grow and eat okra.
• ‘Fixinto’ is one word.
• There is no such thing as ‘lunch..’ There is only dinner and then supper.
• Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
• Backwards and forwards means ‘I know everything about you.
• DGeet is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’
• You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is.
• You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
• You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You’ll probably have to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You carry jumper cables in your car. . . for your OWN car.
• There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
• The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
• The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
• 100 degrees Fahrenheit is ‘a little warm’.
• We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
• Going to Wal-mart is a favorite pastime.
• Fried catfish is the other white meat.
• We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed … if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Alabama (and those who just wish they were).

EVERYONE can’t be a Alabamian; it takes talent. You might say it’s an art form or a gift from God!

After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:

1. The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side.