“It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant citizens to edit newspapers” In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late.
Accordingly, I’m readily willing to yield [...]

‘Here’s my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.’
“The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”
‘The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.’
‘Of the four wars in my lifetime , [...]

1. Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him ‘Why do you carry a 45?’ Ranger responded, ‘Because they don’t make a 46.

6. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. ‘Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?’ ‘No Ma’am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.’

7. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!

A person all wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
— unknown